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Romantic Love Falls Apart without the Love of Christ

On Saturday June 7th, 2014, I went to bed after preparing for the Sunday School lesson for Sunday June 8th, 2014. The title from the "Adult Bible Studies for Life" is for summer 2014 from the Baptist lesson is "God is Loving." The lesson used I John 4:7-12 to discuss the fact that "God’s Love Empowers Me to Love." I read the lesson in preparation to teach the class. However, I was very troubled within me because today, we call everything that stimulates, pleasures human desire, and feels good as love. At that point I knew the principle of the true love of God is violated. I went to bed asking God to give me a better understanding about the real issue behind romantic love.

I have learned over the years that one of the most dangerous love is un-ordained romantic relationship. Such a romantic relationship violates the basic principles of God in human life. It may either destroy you financially, or may destroy your life. Consequently, I started thinking about romantic love, how it got started, its craving, intensities and what are the values of romantic love. Romantic love is very selfish, possessive, conditional, jealous, destructive, dangerous, and can lead to murder. But, regardless to all these woes of romantic love, it makes us feel so, so good! I have been married for 32 years, that Saturday night, I went to bed in confusion. I do not want to denigrate romantic love because it has its value in a meaningful relationship between married people according to the ordinance of God. I am however puzzled by what I see on television and what I read today about the definition of romantic love without boundaries. I used to watch a program on television called "Investigation Discovery" – I.D., is about solving crimes. On the programs, many of the stories were associated with lovers plotting premeditated murder, killing their lovers, or husbands and wives killing their spouses off, for whatever reason. After a while the program started to poison my soul. I stopped watching it.

As I was sleeping that Saturday night, I started to ask God in my sleep to tell me more about the mystery of romantic love. So, I kept silent in my soul and brain. I want God to talk to me. In the middle of the night at around 2 am, the Lord revealed certain things to me about romantic love that blew my mind. I was shocked. Each time I have such a revelatory dream it wakes me up so I can remember.

The first thing revealed to me about romantic love was the initial attraction between the opposite sexes for romance is usually based on physical attractions. From a man’s point of view, a woman attracts my attention because she displays certain physical attributes of beauty that gets my attention. If I’m a single man, the game is on. I have to pursue her until she tells be to back off, saying, "This one is paid for," meaning she is involved with another person. Out of the kindness of my heart, I should leave her alone and wish her the best. If she is single, then I keep pursuing until she responds to my romantic advances. It is very important to note that what attracted me to her initially is "lustful desires." That was what ignited within me by looking at her body parts visibly display before me. Oh my goodness! Some women know how to torture a man by the ways they dress. At times I look at such as a punishment especially for some of us married men. She could have been a monster, I could not tell until I get to know her. Once I know her, I may decide to either stay with her or run for my life! A lot of very bad things come in very attractive packages and many people have been deceived. The critical point is that romantic love is borne on the "platform of human lustful desires."

"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – is not of Father, but of the world" (I John 2:16).

Meaning, the lustful desire comes from the devil as a tool for his deceptive manipulation. Sadly many people have fallen into that trap.

The second thing revealed to me was God’s original intention between a man and a woman was never based on physical attraction. It was based on friendship and partnership. That was why God said, "It is not good for a man to be alone, let’s make him a helper comparable to him" (Genesis 2:18). When both Adam and Eve sinned against God due to their disobedience, God said to the woman among other punishment he handed down to both Adam and Eve, "Your desire shall be for your husband" (Genesis 3:16). That entire verse #16 was a curse that God placed upon the woman. God also added that, "He shall rule over you." Theologians have argued over the years, whether Eve committed the first extramarital affair, or it was just the bite of the apple. Evidence from the Bible indicated what happened between Eve and Satan in the Garden was more than the eating of the apple. Jesus said, "You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning" (St. John 8:44). That statement was referring to Cain in Genesis. Regardless to what happened between Satan and Eve, some form of intercourse took place that led to the perversion of the human race from that time on. The human soul was perverted, or poisoned with the illicit desires of the devil. Such illicit desire is presently being expressed by people today not knowing such pleasure comes from the bag of tricks introduced by Satan. The curse God issued in that verse was a correction factor to redirect Eve’s desire back to Adam after the illicit relationship with Satan in the Garden.

Furthermore, Lucifer’s original responsibility as a cherub was to protect both Adam and Eve in the Garden. "You were the anointed cherub who covers" (Ezekiel 28:14). Bible indicated, Lucifer was present in the Garden of Eden, well known to both Adam and Eve prior to his fall "You were in Eden in the Garden of God" (Ezekiel 28:13). This was how he was able to deceive Eve because he was familiar to her, not knowing he had already fallen. "Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light" (II Corinthians11:14). Lucifer then became the serpent that played the game of deception with Eve. Neither Adam nor Eve was able to take responsibility for what happened in the Garden of Eden. With this deception of Satan, God himself took responsibility for the original sin by allowing his Son, Jesus to pay for the sins of humanity.

The question has always been raised that if God is all knowing, why did he allow Satan to deceive Eve. This deception that led to the original sin, opened the door in man’s quest in search for the Creator. The original sin led to a spiritual separation from God. Without God, man is empty because God created a void in man that can only be filled by God’s Spirit. The critical factor igniting fire in people searching for God despite their money, power and fame is the emptiness of soul without the indwelling of the Spirit of God. Jesus said, "Without me, you can do nothing" (St. John 15:5). Without God, man is a miserable and ruthless animal that suffers from poverty of the soul because of the absence of Eternal Spirit of God.

Bringing these two revelations together, the human romantic love was borne on the platform of lust and curse. Consequently, just because it attracts your attention, make you feel good, drives you crazy with boiling desires and causing you to tremble, it may not be of God. It may be of the devil! The devil has contaminated human soul at the level of his desires. That is why every sin committed today originates from human perverted soul desires. Jesus also confirmed that point saying, "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies"(St. Matthew 15:19).


Covenant Destroys the Curse

Why did God place a curse on the female (Eve) genital and made a covenant with the foreskin of Abraham? Every time God places a curse on the earth, he also places a process to cure that curse. When a person in a covenant with God comes across a curse, the curse is destroyed. Through the genital circumcision which started with Abraham the female curse is lifted. The result is the miracle of conception and the birth of a child. When Jesus came, he was a man in a covenant with God. When he approached the cross, he completely destroyed the curse of hanging on the tree (Deuteronomy 21:22). The miracle is Jesus victory over death leading to the miracle of resurrection. The bloodshed of Jesus on the cross also purifies the relationship between a man and a woman, more than the bloodshed during genital circumcision.



Cure for Romantic Woes

True enough in the Western Culture, many of the romantic relationships begins with dating after physical attractions on both sides. At times some women are attracted to the man not because they like him, but to exploit him for money. They allow him to use them for breeding. Once they find some imperfections in the man, they run to divorce court and can enjoy the rest of his money with their new lover. Men are very weak in this respect and very smart women know how to play the game using expensive panties to weaken a man’s resistance. There are men who also use women as sex objects and dump them after the sexual pleasure gets stale. Power of lust can be very poisonous and dangerous; placing a man or woman in the most vulnerable position in life. Once the lustful desires in the man in captivated, he becomes her slave, kept in the prison of bondage and lustful desires. At the peak of sexual desire, his brain starts to malfunction! She gets what she wants by cleaning his bank account and off she goes! The man’s ego is too big to beg for mercy. He is at her mercy while he secretly succumbs to her conquest. In the public, he plays tough to keep him from weeping because big boys don’t cry. His ego will not allow him to admit to a defeat. He may be a good ball player, but the woman defeated him with her panties. Poor man! So, she leaves with millions of dollars. The poor man weeps in silence because he forgets she was on an expensive lease to him. Romantic love! Right! Some men may be playing this game too, exploiting women for money in the name of romance.

Although romantic love is born on lustful desire and curse, God himself created a solution for this problem. God extends his love to humanity through Jesus Christ. It is not by accident that God placed the curse in Genesis 3:16 and the cure for the curse in St. John 3:16. Only the love of God is able to purify the woes of romantic love. This love of God is so powerful, it neutralizes, the original curse from the Garden of Eden and heals man’s wounded soul. It returns a relationship between a man and a woman back to its original intention as "partnership in committed friendship." The love of God destroys the selfishness of romantic lust, and replaces it with healing forgiveness. Therefore, only the love of God is able to purify a romantic relationship. Without the love of God expressed to us through Jesus his Son, the marriage will eventually fall apart. While romantic love is so exciting at the beginning, it cannot stand the test of time; it eventually fades. This is why Jesus said, "Greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends" (St. John 15:13).

Very importantly, I’m not trying to denigrate romantic love as much as for people to understand the origin of illicit desires that is already taking America by storm. America as a nation is presently in crisis because of the seductions of illicit desires. God started the relationship between a man and a woman as a partnership. Such a relationship will eventually grow to a romantic relationship, and couples with such love tend to stay together longer. Their relationship will grow further than fleshly desires; it will grow to a more powerful spiritual love that binds two people together in Christ. Comparing to a relationship that ignited with lust, when the physical attraction fades, as is often the case, the relationship ends. The critical question is, can the love of God purify your romantic relationship no matter how it started? Can God bless this union? Just because it feels good in your flesh, is it good enough before God? Some people have discussed in stories the excitements and thrilling effects of secretly sleeping with another person’s spouse. The same people want to commit murder when somebody sleeps with their own spouse! The serpent deceived Eve in the Garden the same way. The serpent appealed to Eve’s forbidden desires. " The woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and the tree desirable to make one wise" (Genesis 3:6). If the love of God cannot purify your romantic relationship, such a relationship will eventually end in tragedy!

Jesus responded to this critical question about romantic love after resurrection when a woman was married to different brothers at different times on earth. Jesus made them to understand that there is no romantic relationship in Heaven after resurrection. Sorry people! The love of God is going to be so powerful in Heaven that the lust of the flesh will have no chance to tempt us. We are going to be in transformed body anyway! Such transformed body will be removed the poison introduced in human soul by Satan. "For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in Heaven" (St. Matthew 22:30).


To Married Couples in Crisis

If your marriage is failing, ask yourself whether both of your have applied the love of God in your relationship. If your relationship started with lustful desires and was unable to be purified with God’s love, you have a coming tragedy. Romantic love alone cannot sustain your relationship. That is a fact! The biggest reason for extramarital affair is the lack of spiritual love between a married couple. Spiritual love takes a while to develop and apply. It does not happen overnight. To do this, each of you must be ready to receive the love of God by opening your hearts to receive God’s love through his Son. You cannot give what you don’t have. Once both partners have received God’s true love, they can now apply such love in their marriage, otherwise the relationship will eventually falls apart.


Today, people tend to use the word "love" very loosely applying to everything and anything that makes them feel good. Cocaine, LSD, Heroin, and Marijuana can make some people feel good. They can also be deadly leading to destruction of lives. If such love is not ordained by God it will eventually cause you to die in your lustful desires. This is because the love of God will never purify illicit desires no matter how it makes you feel good! There are many illicit relationships based primarily on lustful desires. We tend to justify them because it makes us feel so good. Feeling good about illicit lustful desires does not come from God, it comes from Satan’s contamination of human soul at the level of his desire from the Garden of Eden.

God has given man a very precious gift called Love. Whatever you do with it, is your business. Just remember, an unholy relationship based on lustful desires not only desecrate the precious gift of love, it also makes mockery of God so Satan can rejoice at your own expense. God is not interested in what gives you perverted pleasure as much as what makes you Holy. Today, we have made perversions feel so good because of illicit seduction. Intense lustful desires make "human waste" next to steak on dinner plate taste good to some people while their ability to smell malfunctions at the peak of heightened erotic desires. I know that sounds very graphic, but that is what some people are doing today because they have turned their mouths to be a sex organ. How many people want their dinners served to them in a toilet bowl? Yet, we want the same mouth feasting in illicit lustful desires be used to serve praise, prayers and worship to God! O God, please help us! You can always ask God for forgiveness for sins you have committed, even on your deathbed. Some people may not have such conversion opportunity as death may come very swiftly!

However, if you lead and encourage others to sin against God by engaging in illicit relationships, you have a greater burden to bear of the Day of Judgment. Whom you love matters, if such love has to be purified by the precious love of God through Christ.

God has already demonstrated His true love to us through his Son. Pick your choice carefully. Nobody has to force you to do anything, let your conscience be your judge. One day you will be held accountable for your actions.

By Yinka Vidal, author, Closer Walk With Jesus

Follow me on Twitter: @YinkaVidal